Alice Miller - The Drama of the Gifted Child

When the parents ignore and laugh at you. you quit showing emotion... there it is... I don't have to look cheerful for anyone... Yeah I totally relate

I had the good fortune of having an excellent therapist, in 1988, who gave me this book, "The Drama of the Gifted Child", and I read it from cover to cover. It's unfortunate that there were not the tools available on UTube, with the great group of people who communicate and elaborate further, on the "NO-Contact" theory. Had I been able to understand that tool, along with the knowledge that I was dealing with a Narcissist, back in 1988-- I would have gladly taken measures to block that person. It's been a 30 year nightmare. No regrets, that I have learned my lessons, but, oh--what a waste of time! Recently, this individual, who is the Narcissist, has gone to such a degree as to cyberstalking my activity on the Internet. It's really difficult to describe how insidious this disease is. I think there needs to be a study about the progressiveness of the illness, so that those of us who are in this situation, can understand, the exact nature of what we are dealing with. Progressive in that it is a potentially dangerous situation, and can cost people's lives. Knowing this, can give one the level of precaution necessary to protect oneself.

I was walking with a friend who got ice cream for her young child. As we walked my friend scolded him for being misbehaved. I did not know what the crime was but my friend took the ice cream from him as a punishment. I thought this cruel and unusual. She told him if he behaved he could have it back. We sat there talking and the child stared at it as it melted then a few minutes later we got up to leave my friend picked up the ice cream and I thought shed hand back to her son. Instead she said to me ,"do you know where theres a trash bin"? I felt sick. I knew what she was about to do and now I was an accomplice. I motioned To a trash can and my friend dumped into the bin. The child exploded into tears and rage, (as anyone would predict). He was.inconsolsnle and my heart ached for his pain and feelings of betrayal. I could not help but feel pure contempt for my friend who showed zero compassion or any empathy for this child I never spoke to her again after. I know that was ME being cruel and unusual but the scene was so painful to me

I struggle now I know the truth about her, she conned us all.

I wish you hadnt lied and projected Alice. To learn you abused your son and let him suffer sickens me and makes this almost unbearable to listen to

Understand yourself first

Love the original i got in 1988

Moi, je

"Comply totally with the needs and feelings of my mother, completely ignoring my own"
WOW. This was my childhood. And my first marriage to a covert narcissist. I was groomed to be the perfect victim for that monster. Growing up with an angry dad who's rage outbursts were often enough, explosive and unpredictable. My codependent mom who, at an early age I crowned Queen~ the nice one, the safe one, yet as an adult I'm coming to realize that she was very critical and I chose to not see it. In turn I grew up with no sense of self but the knowledge (lie) that my self was based on other people and if I could keep them happy. 💔😞
I'm finally free. Free to find myself, be myself and love myself and it not be tethered on what others think of me or IF they are ok.

"....My version of the happy childhood I enjoyed."
💥 BOOM 💥 I too had painted this pretty picture. Yes, there were good times but the bad times really screwed me up. Earlier on I clung to that pretty image~ refusing to see my own hurt.

I hid my little girl/true childlike self in a deep stone well. She was physically protected but could still hear the roaring rage of her father, the "nice" cutting criticism of her mother and the roaring rage of her Narc ex husband.
I am finally free, reunited with that little girl and exploring all she went through and all she and I are deep down. What an amazing adventure!!!
This book is SUCH a blessing!!!!!!❤️💕🙏🏻

Such wealth of knowledge!!!

I used to have a recurring dream of being made to walk the plank as a child into dirty water. I'm loving this ❤️

They always say everytime i come around i cause so much drama 😔 this was recomended to me..

My childhood was a mess where my parents didn’t even considered me as a child and expected me to know everything. My mother was depressed and my father had severe anger issues. They both resented each other all along their married life. My grandmother and my father didn’t wanted a second girl child so I was an unwanted child the minute I was born. For first three years of my life, my father never carried me in his arms, played with me or comforted me when I used to cry. I was simply ignored. I remember growing up listening to my mother what all my father did and felt about me. May be she wanted to make me realise that I should hate him for that horrible neglect and do something for myself. But what she didn’t understand that I was just a child without a logical brain developed that time and too fragile to take care of own self. When I was three, my father started involving with me but his behaviour always made me confused. Sometimes he used to make me laugh and happy but other times, he used to verbally abuse me making me feel small and throwing all his anger outbursts on me. He used to also abuse my mother physically and verbally on a daily basis. I always saw my mother feeling helpless, fearful, unhappy and crying so I guess this is the reason I never went and shared my feelings to her when my father’s behaviour used to hurt me emotionally. But my mother took this coping mechanism of mine very negatively. One moment my father used to just outrageously put me down and few minutes later,he used to call me near him and started talking sweetly. I as a child having unconditional love for my father and incapable of understanding my father’s toxic behaviour towards me, I used to become okay the minute he was fine and talk to me sweetly. These type of incidences used to happen with me on a regular basis. But when my mother observed this and had no control to stop his behaviour, she started to judge me. She started telling me that I am stupid and anyone can say or do anything to me and I just go with the flow. She made me feel that I am an idiot and said I don’t have feelings because I don’t stand up for myself. If I had a brain, I would not be talking to my father. This judgement of my mother of me went further than that. After that she automatically came to a conclusion that I am a selfish child and it doesn’t even bother me a bit that my father is a domestic abuser and causing so much pain to her. In her eyes me, a small little girl who cannot even feel and display any negative emotions towards my father must be a carefree, emotionless and stupid being and so is completely incapable of giving her assurance that whatever is going with her is horrible and my father and is family are the culprits.

According to her son she was an abusive parent, who kept servants all of her life and treated them badly and who left him nothing in her will after dying in 2010. "Physician, heal thyself", comes to mind....

I'm confused because I keep reading that when parenting you should praise their actions specifically instead of calling them good. And instead of saying you're proud of them, specifically praise or say thank you for a specific action. Seems to me there is a balance

Thank you thank-you thank-you
For your time investet in this amazing reading
Good job well done
Bravo!

Yet, here we are decades later and the medical etiology still fails to address trauma!

49.00

I think I was lucky enough to have extremely well evolved mother. The last of ten I can see the first children did not have the same experience. She didn’t molly coddle me or put me on a pedestal, she was not needy or over concerned, I felt a nice secure love and felt like I could be myself , Unfortunately I only had her for eight years as she died. I relate to the mothering by my elder sisters as more in tune with this wonderful books analogy

I guess you weren't mirrored as a wonderful child who could become anything.

Hey everyone, please be careful blaming your parents (or authority in general). While there are extremely beneficial information in this work, this one derivative here is a dangerous and actually a false thought.

Because the truth is; had it been us dealt the exact same hand they were, do not think we would have done any better.

We are in the era of information, extremely blessed and spoiled compared to them.

So let's give credit and respect where due. Otherwise we'd just be unjust to our own selves.

At the end of the day they didn't abort us right? I mean you're reading this now so... Thanks to who? Right?

Peace n Love. Happy healing

"true liberation can only be found beyond the deep ambivalence of infantile dependence." —Alice Miller—

She whinges about psychoanalysis, yet this is mostly all psychoanalysis.

I am asking for suggestable resources. I am not a "gifted child". More accurately I would use the term "emotional neglect". If I wanted to use resources for the "neglected" in regards to inner child work, where should I go?

Attention anyone!!!
I am just now researching inner child work and true/false self information. Where can I find out more?

Deeply, deeply wise book…concepts sink in with multiple listens.

Here from TikTok 🤣🤣🤣

L

What an absolute load of bullshit. There are many great forms of therapy but psychotherapy is the worst thing one can do for themselves. This book is approach is problem centred and delves to deeply into things whilst providing little solution. These psychologists need to be locked up for all the pain they listen to while they do little to help in the fight towards getting justice in our communities.

Some have suggested Alice Miller wasn't a very good mother

This is great

What did the duck do when…oh nvm just duck….😅

❤

Alice Miller married an ex nazi who beat their son. She did not stop him.

Just reading the comments here makes me feel less lonely. I was one of these kids. Didn't have to actually do any homework until 10th grade/high school. Getting a neurodiverse diagnosis two years back did account for quite a lot of my life, and I perked up at the comment by dr Duddy that almost sounded as if neurodivergent is one aspect of being overly intelligent. It's as if nature's gifts are somehow constant. Those excelling in one area will have Achilles heels in other areas. Last week I was reading about some technical theory not entirely understood yet, but a few minutes later, paying my bills wiped my brain out and I have to use checklists on how to do that without missing steps. The low points aren't cancelled by the high end wonders our minds can accomplish.

Brilliant ❤