How to Prepare for Birth Without Epidural

Does an epidural create intimate disconnect from mother/baby?
An epidural only eleviates pain for mum but babe still endures each contraction, is this fair/reasonable?
But if epidural works to relax the lower half too allow body to open up, is enduring the process worth it for both of you?

There are so many scenarios that can lead to choosing epidural, no one is wrong, the option is available and risks aware. It might prevent c section/c section recovery, but also likely to incur additional intervention (and trauma), this is the benefit of your support person/doula to listen and get you upright/flung over bed.

It's hard to weigh the options and feel like you are making the best decision, when a simple belief like "babies birth from mothers vaginas first" ... but to get there you may need to endure fake sensory physiological (pit) labour/disconnection ...

So many thoughts here 😅 ...
I've had 3 births, 41+2 monitoring appointment = EMCS tight cord entanglement, induced 37w VBAC due to antibodies/coombs positive babe with episiotomy (I had sensations, feeling returning I have have been aided to a diff position still failure of system) and a 41+6 spontaneous VBAC antibody unaffected babe, failure due to SD/no one listening to me to get me up! No doula.

I'm at the stage of deciding which method I want to consider for my next antibody baby. All the options suck, except for spontaneous which again may not happen till 41+ weeks but to what deteriment to babe if any, it still sucks 🤷‍♀️

Complex thoughts and experiences - any advice to navigate?
It doesn't matter what the evidence says ... its frustrating I can't do what I want but my babies well-being, of course exceeds my own.

Epidural does not equal harder recovery

This! I skipped epidural with my first and I'll be doing it again!

I wish you would have been my doctor lol. My doctor tried to force me into an epidural and he was so mean.