YOU: Consumed in Narcissist's Shared Fantasy

Thanks!

Why did my bpd / narcisist ex started venting and saying she would have ended up hating me the last time I saw her? I just could not take it anymore and I left that day. I needed peace and she said she liked to fight, but nonsense drama not even constructive discussions. I guess I was already devaluated and she needed to push me away. I'm still ruminating at times If I maybe should have just vented at her too, but I feel like I made the right thing to just leave even If I had to suppress some of the things I wanted to say to her. I felt like communicating was impossible cause either she felt attacked personally, or either I was not caring to discuss. Either way for her It was my fault. Lot of cognitive dissonance even two months in no contact.

This is my mother. The ONLY way to be allowed in the family is to collude with her narrative that I'm sensitive, emotional, angry et cetera. Whatever she tells me I am to disguise (from herself) her lack of empathy, her disinclination to engage in any reciprocal exchange of communication. The communication flows ONE way, so in her head, any attempt to be heard is aggressive. If I were to say sorry to her for being aggressive and sorry to her for trying to defend myself, then I would be ''allowed'' back in.

Mind blowing once you figure it out

Another spot on video. My past bpd/narc relationship could be described with the Dostoevskij quote "i betrayed my self for nothing"

Are the relationships between two narcississts more "peaceful" and less destructive?

It's symbiotic..

Thank you Professor. I experienced another huge shift yesterday in my quest for freedom from both the narcissist’s abuse and my own learned helplessness and codependent enabling of his delusion. It is absolutely amazing the strength and determination it takes to keep soldering towards sovereignty. Many of us have acquired immense amounts of cognitive knowledge around the reality of our abuse at the hands of an unaware narcissist and yet it still takes time and continued effort to extricate viscerally the evil presence of these non entities from our bodies and spirits. You save lives. I knew I made huge progress when I sat in front of this abusive black hole and listened to his attempt to dump all his own internal toxic waste onto me in public, and it was as if I wasn’t there, he was talking to himself and the fact of his oblivious sadistic and cruel behaviours and attitudes was as real to me as the sun on my shoulders. Times in the past I would have driven away and cried. Yesterday I got in my car and laughed out loud at how pathetic he was, how low he had to try to hit me to experience a brief moment of a facsimile of being alive in himself. I am so grateful for your work and your brilliant insights. I have so much more life to live still.

Prof. Vaknin, please don’t stop recording, your videos are saving my life. ❤️‍🩹

It sounds like it’s applicable to countries as well. In order to be treated as a good subject you will have to accept: myths, economic structure, social visions, lies, friends, foes, etc etc.

WOW. WOW. I’m FINALLY in my late 40’s understanding.. and I’m blown away. I finally am seeing what is REALITY. Thank you. I feel well I feel a lot but mostly free.

This concept applies to all aspects of human relationships, from family dynamics to geo-politics and absolutely everything in between.

I have a question. The professor said that you need to keep at least 2 of the 4 S. When I was discarded, I was still still provide all 4. Not that it doesn't matter anymore, but I was simply reaching my expired date, or I was diverged too much from the snapshot or just she got bored

100%

The sickest part of this is that I would go back to the narc if I didn’t have kids.

One of your best, Sam.

Is it possible for both parents to be narcissists, with the father being the dominant of the two?

What does it mean if you're uncertain you've ever experienced true love? I have bonds with others and maybe my family to a point. Dx bpd traits, am I just doomed to repetition compulsion? Therapy has not helped, besides keeping me somewhat emotionally stable.

I really wish “dead mother” was renamed to “dead primary early childhood caregiver.” Because it that role is not always fulfilled by a woman, especially today, and it can really mess with the mother’s head if she wasn’t the primary caregiver or the probable cause of her own kid’s narcissism.

Thank you for sharing such timely, if not telling, perils inherent to finding oneself (or, evidence of a self capable of efficacy) beyond that of either reflecting or rejecting status, as placeholder of such fantasy. The contradictions amidst senses of having to present as “fantastic” amidst experiences inherently drawn of authenticity - and the subsequent divide created - is wide and seems endless to navigate at times, but I will continue to try.

Professor;
Nunca tinha visto uma foto do Lacan antes, acabei de ver como ele era.
Igualzinho ao senhor!!!

Another excellent video

This was my EXACT experience with a highly manipulative covert narcissist...it was the most emotionally draining experience I've experienced, even surpassing caring for my mother as she died from cancer. I discarded the narcissist first and after a failed hoover attempt he moved on to another target he had been grooming...SAVE YOURSELF AND GO NO CONTACT IMMEDIATELY!!

This is my wife to a Tee.

My childhood was nice. My parents & siblings were good to me. My ten year narcissist relationship has ended 7 months ago. And I hear you about the (I call it "glomming") onto a persons mental so consistently that they think it's sinking into your belief system so you become one minded. To make it All about their reality at all times. Yeah....Do you know how difficult it is to keep your own mindset amidst all that constant "glomming"? It's not easy but I had a good heads-up because I was 25 long years IN, in my first marriage to a narcissist & I applied that lesson to this relationship as best I could. Im getting through therapy & it'll be a lifelong relationship. I held onto my beliefs and relied upon my gut as well as adhering to the rules of their world. That was an issue we continued to bump heads over the whole time. I just found out about narcissism this year!!!! Lol, I've been in study mode for the past 7 months studying behaviors & trying hard to unwind everything I've been through. Thank goodness narcissism is more recognized now and this valuable information is here! Keep your heads up everyone & continue to learn & move forward with the peace & protection we carry inside ourselves. 💜🙏🏾✌🏽

YES 24-7!!!!!😓 And we worked together as well, Mr. Sam.

I’ve told my wife don’t text me with ‘issues’ that need my immediate attention when I’m at work or driving because it’s distracting and I’ll be texting while driving.

So, she continues to do the same.

I replied we will talk when I get back.

When I got home, tried to engage a conversation, she told me no, she’s tired.

Is there anything that you can do for a family member that this is happening to?

Npd want you to give up is

1.reality testing

Thank you, Prof.Vaknin for all your valuable information ❤, they are exactly dangerous people, like you explained.

Terrifying when they turn you, the victim into their own flying monkey to try and blame your family for how you responded to their cult like abuse. Narcissists taking over your life is terrifying. This type of abuse should be criminal.

You know how to put the Narc's fire 🔥 out! Thanks...

Majority of narcissist are statistically men. Eventhough the same spirit in habits both genders hence they act the same.

Дякую, вельми цінна інформація, суспільство має це знати

The exact description of my younger narcissistic sister & the mental & emotional abuse she has inflicted on me since our young adulthood. Took me years to realize because it just seemed impossible that a sibling would do this to her own flesh & blood. Mind blowing that she is a psychiatrist. I have gone no contact for 18 months & finally am at peace

This is absolutely brilliant. One of my favourite of your lectures. Thank you so much Sam for everything you are doing. 😊

Mein damaliger Arbeitskollege hat mir mit einer einzigen Frage die Augen geöffnet, obwohl er selber Probleme hatte. Da ist mir der Groschen gefallen. Besser spät als nie...

Yeppers!!