Inside the Mind of a Timebender – Why I’m Always Late | Grace Pacie | TEDxBedford

Just missed a meeting and was about to go into a spiral and then found this. This is what happens especially in my neurodivergent mind; I’m gonna rewatch this again and again.

Omg que falso

I really want to listen to this- but I can’t listen to the mouth noises- when the lips separate to talk- or when she licks her lips- I would think the sound engineers could and would edit those noises out- it might be barely noticeable to you- but they are very loud to me.

This is so spot on. It’s like someone just read my mind- my whole being in fact. This all makes so much sense.

One thing I’ve noticed, is that I am a major people pleaser as well and I am always feeling pulled in many ways at once. Somehow, being in control of my own time frame, subconsciously, helps me feel like I am in control of at least one thing in my life - my time.

But that’s only just one other reason for my constant lateness. All the other things were so very well noted by this lovely speaker.

My lateness has really been eating away at me lately. The guilt is getting to be too much and I am just so embarrassed of my inability to be regularly relied upon as a punctual person.
And yet it continues to happen.

Hopefully this will help set me on a better path. One in which I’m not always feeling guilty and ashamed.

Your not lying 😂❤❤

i'm not sure ive ever felt this seen before

I have a mortgage to pay. A wife, son, and daughter to feed. I don't have the luxury to be late. In 20 years, I've been late about 5 times and each time less than 5 minutes.

I love you. Punctual people will never understand. Not even a little. Once I do get to work I do a better job than anyone. But that won’t matter to someone just analyzing the time cards.
I also haven’t missed a shift in about 5 years. Perfect attendance, but I get there at the last second when I’m the only one working and about 5-20min late if someone is already there.
It’s really been a nightmare in my life. I’ve lost every job because of this. Luckily right now I have a job that has tolerated this for the last 7 years. But now they’re cracking down and I need to somehow convince them to allow this behavior. My wife is exactly the same. It’s so frustrating for both of us and everyone in our lives. I hate it.

If Im too early (greater than 5 minutes), I get serious GI distress, become dysregulated, and, have anxiety. Then again, being late has a few anxieties, too. People in my life have labeled me. It is hurtful, yet I get that they think that I think Im more important than them. That's not it at all. I know my "early arrival issues" so well. I fugure if my friends, families, job dont love me unconditionally then "oh well". Their issue not mine. So, does that again make me selfish or in denisl or prepped for abandonment? All in all, I know I have a problem. People I know, but barely, will passive- aggressively, one woman very aggressive, say they know I'm always late & call me names. I say buzz off. Im doing my best. If my tardiness is the last of the chart you made, then, go ahead & leave if you need to judge. Im doing ME all by mysrlf & the good ones love me because of it. No reasonable explanation helps, b/c every time it's different reason. Time Benders Anonymous Group anyone, ?

I theorize that depression and anhedonia play a role in this as well. Things we may want to do or have to do with real deadlines and consequences can be delayed by us as we go thru a self-destructive spiral of thinking we cannot improve, or that everyone will keep seeing us negatively, so we perpetuate the negative image. Or we try to squeeze other things in because the job we have is so unlikable that our aversion to it compels us to cram in anything before our commute or start time to savour our time outside of work/school even more. Not being positively motivated can play a role in us not jumping on our obligations what we must do. I highly doubt this behaviour occurs for those who are doing their dream career, and loving it each day.

This video deserves so much views. Very informative and comforting for people like us. I felt guilty too as I always take my loved ones for granted as I am always late. My ex of 9 yrs cited this as one of the reasons he got tired of loving me. I wasnt diagnosed yet but is there a big chance Ms. Gracie that this bad habit of ours is due to ADHD? 😢

I watched this a few weeks ago and felt completely understood in that matter for the first time in my life. Even though there are many, who experience the same, there was always the question "what goes wrong??"... That was relieving. But the best is, how I realise now, that I am able to change something about it, when I really want it as I get now, where I am mistaken within the process. Wouldn't have expected it, but this TedTalk somehow changed an important bit of my life... Thanks a lot.

This is amazing. How did you know me?

If you're going to be late, and we know you are, text and let people know before. For me it makes all the difference, knowing in advance that you'll be 15min late will allow me the time to empty the dishwasher! lol

So so true. I feel so seen. It's not just me!

I’m even late for flights and funerals, today I got a written warning at work

I truly appreciate that you fought back on our behalf at the end

This is a problem I have struggled with my whole life.

Oh my Gosh i am a time keeper and yes these people get on my nerves but now i guess i understand them.

I can’t even be on time for flights, funerals or weddings 🥲 when I lived in Tanzania, time didn’t really matter, it was such a nice change to our punctual western society.

So time keepers have to be strict teachers.

Thank you!!! 😂 I finally understand myself a bit better.

Tudo fez sentido na minha vida agora

Thank you for taking a passion about this problem

Here i am!😅

I AM THIS 😭

@TheDrJohnDelonyShow

Thank you for articulating so much of what I’ve been struggling with most of my life. This was a major sticking point for me and my ex - he took my lateness really personally whereas I felt like I didn’t matter so much because he would ‘understand me’ and make allowances. Now I see that I need to make myself more accountable going forward and try to communicate that sometimes I find it hard being on time and need gentle help here and there

This is why there are clocks and watches. Use them. Don’t use your bended brains to estimate time. You should add another one to the list - You only think about yourself. And not about others. You can be on time when being late impacts you.. and late when it doesn’t impact you.

Why should we try to get the time
Benders to change their ways??? Its not our job.. you change yourself..

Just listening to her talk makes me annoyed because she totally sounds like that self important person who thinks she can be as much late as she wants and others will just wait for her. Lol 😂

Ironically watched this at 1.75x to squeeze it in before a meeting.

This is so precise and accurate that I want to cry 😢

The josb wher ei was on tiem where whre they laid it on that beign on time - Late 3 times and you are fired - i was early. i struggle with other jobs to do that.

People that are always late are self absorbed and don;t give a f** about other peoples feelings, schedules or lives. You can measure time with a Clock,....and set alarms. You're not optimistic, you are not aware you what is real. If you are on time when its important, clearly others are not important,.. that a shot thing to find out. People who are not on time,... are not important to me anymore. They are useless !!!!

So me.

🎉🎉

We believe we can teleport 🤣!… its so true !!!

Well at least you do care enough to take care of yourself , I have to leave last minute no matter what my hair or make up or uniform , then have to try to pull it together at work (because I figure if I could at least make it out the door then hopefully I’ll have time for work starts and I always think a lot of red lipstick goes a long way and earrings. It makes it look like you try to put yourself together. That’s depressing because when you don’t look good, you don’t feel good ,so good for you for caring 😮

Being held accountable. Who knew 😏

I don’t agree with her closure
We need to fix this.
Not think it’s OK for everybody to be late

Thank you

I just love listening to her. The way she describes it is so to the point and sweet at the same time.

I think being late habit relates to some kind of social anxiety. Do you agree?

Stop making excuses for your behavior. You only think about yourself. You are inconsiderate.

Loved her articulation

This made me very emotional because I finally feel understood. I disagree though on the point about the consequences by partners & friends: I don’t mind at all being invited ahead of time instead of having to deal with the stress of being late. In turn I’d be very hurt if they treated me with exclusion for being late - as if I’m a child who needs to be taught. I would not come anymore and it would eventually damage the relationships.
I do want to change this about myself, but if people start to lecture me, I’m gone.
My friends know my problem and are happy with me whenever I’m proud to have made it on time.

Thank you! From a fellow space and time bender, I FINALLY feel seen.