AITA My Brother CANCELLED My Wedding

I think I’d say to the brother, “I love you. I’m really mad at you right now. If you could help me find another venue, that would be fabulous, but right now, I need some time to cool down.”

the brother offered to cover the cost of finding a new venue and even offered to help in the search. no matter what other people think of the reason he gave, the brother totally has the right to believe in what he believes. being butthurt and uninviting his brother shows how much of a manchild OP is as his brother is going over the top to try and fix his reversal. OP IS the a**hole here. forgive your brother and re-invite him to the wedding. that's what brothers do.

Damn, theres a lot of people who don't give a damn about other religions..... like I understand if you specifically do not subscribe to a religion and beliefs but COME ON! He sucks a little for being last minute about it but he does seem to be trying.

I got married 13 years ago, but I love listening to Reddit stories, and your takes were very level-headed. I subscribed. ❤

My sister didn’t invite our ‘brother’ B (by brother I mean he is my dads bffs son who was practically raised with us, we view him as a brother) to her wedding because at our brother C’s wedding B got into a HUGE fight with our dad and his dad because B was being an idiot (normal behaviour for him) and she didn’t want the drama.

B was deeply hurt but understood, he was however invited to our other sisters wedding a year later but couldn’t came due to one months notice and it was Christmas Eve. He has learnt his lesson and is now much calmer and doesn’t drink as much, and I will happily invite him to mine.

Because I genuinely don’t think he’d act up for me especially since he couldn’t come to my/our other sister’s weddings.

Honestly I don't think it's the right move to uninvite the brother and his family. Yes what they did sucked and isn't okay, but I feel like at the end of the day, if they had a good enough relationship with their brother to ask them to host their wedding, it's not worth it to cut things off because of the cancelation.

I'd absolutely look down on my brother for this if it happened to me but no I probably wouldn't uninvite him. It'd change the relationship dynamic for sure but I wouldn't let that be a contributing factor.

The only thing that makes me really question the motive behind it being a belief/ religious/ tradition thing, is the ask to host and agreement was 8 months prior, and now suddenly 2 months away it's this horrible problem? Did the brother agree and not discuss with his wife, or did the wife just suddenly learn of this belief, or is there something else going on?
I agree, it's not a hill to die on, but I would want to know the true reason behind it only suddenly being revealed.

I have to say, as a frequent watcher of AITA content on this here platform, you are a breath of fresh air! I just found you today but subbed immediately just for your mature and grace-filled responses. I wholeheartedly agree with you on this one

I am Muslim. My brother is Muslim. He takes things to an extreme, though. I won't even get into the specifics of what that means, but suffice to say that he has made things difficult for our family and even our extended family on multiple occasions. I can definitely see he pulling a stunt like OP's brother, and potentially ruining a wedding. Even his own! I can see him ruining his own wedding just a few weeks out bc one of his sheiks gave him a piece of information/advice that he hadn't known before, when planning.

It's terrible that the brother is canceling this close to the wedding, butif it's not meant as disrespect, and he's doing what he can to fix it, OP shouldn't uninvite him. A wedding is too important. Family is too important. He doesn't want to cancel. He feels like he has to.

I think this a Humung (not sure about the spelling) a people who came here due to genocide. With their own culture and religion. I am Lakota. We have to balance family members from traditional Lakota to America Taliban style Christians . It's tricky and stressful. Having to sit through weddings where the cult leader gives a 39 minutes long disortation on how no matter how stupid wrong or harmful the husband is the wife must submit. And the abuser husband must love his wife as Christ loved the church. Thank Creator my sister has now divorced that abuser. Sitting through that indoctrination while every fiber in your being wants to run up and free the hostage is just what you do for family. So yes invite the brother and wait it out until he comes to whatever conclusion works for him.

Bro, that brother copped out, I bet the wife let the pregnancy hormones get the best of her, and told her husband, I change my mind. He should have been honest. Real talk.

My mother in law hosted our wedding. Up to about 3 weeks prior it was uncertain if she would still be with her boyfriend(who owned the property). Thankfully they worked it out for then and we didn’t have to change venues, but it was terrifying to not know. We had idea of backup locations and my husband talked me down from possibly disinviting them.

From personal experience brother was 100% influenced by his wife or in laws to not host it. I wouldn't nessarally blame the brother but he needs to learn to stand up to his wife/in laws, promising family something is huge and then going back on it 2 months out is crazy! Id be having a long chat with him to get to the bottom of why he decided this because what he said sounds like an excuse and fake.

I got married 9.5 years ago so i only follow you for these videos and i love your personality

The brother's reason matters not as it is his home Unfortunately, he changed his mind 2 months before the wedding. Allow him to help if he offers to pay for a new venue as I'm certain he feels bad about the whole thing.

He should have talked with his sister one on one, until that happens he has tainted her wedding. Let them come as guests, not a brother and sister in law with no rolls in the wedding.

Maybe his wife is a lil post partum and she is the one really worrying about this superstition. He might be stuck between a rock and hard place and is trying to support both. The nanny shouldve kept it to herself in my opinion. I dont think she should uninvite him but i do think she should express how much it hurt and what aspects of the wedding it really affected. Shes not the ah but if she uninvites her brother out of spite she very well may be

The brother is mainly in the wrong and but over 20 guest it’s easy to fine something but like it said it will be stressful

I would uninvite them. They offered this a year ago and waited two months before to rescind the offer based on checks notes someone else’s religion. If they didn’t budget for a venue this is a complete wrench being thrown into their plans.

He has proven he isn’t someone OP can trust. His word is his bond and he went back on his word for NO reason.

Also, you read a comment and said an individual was adding context (when they were just saying there may be another reason) that wasn’t there but then applauded a comment that did JUST that?

The reason is BS and wonky. He is breaking a promise. I can understand not eanting them there. Because she sounds like she doesnt believe the reason. I would not want a relationship with him after this. Family togetherness is over rated

This is weird and so close to the date. I think she is right to uninvite them. It might be a valid reason if they actually subscribed and participated in that religion. But they don't. I would fell lied too and feel like he was trying to manipulate me. I would be hurt and upset. And i would never feel the same about him again. Give me a reason that doesn't sound like a lie and it would be different.

By watching this type of videos, I discovered that for a lot of people in the US, showing up in a red dress at a wedding means you are the groom’s side piece and night be thrown out of the wedding. The brother’s family’s beliefs / superstitions are not in any way shape or form stranger than that imho. Just check if he can help make up for the last minute mess that caused and don’t ruin a lifetime relationship for that (stressful but temporary) problem

If I think about weddings, I rarely remember where they were but I remember who was there and wasn’t there.

I understand the feeling and impulse to not invite the brother/SIL but I'd take a moment and think through the consequences. In the end I'd probably still invite them but I do understand the impulse.

I agree that OP and fiancée have a right to be upset. I agree that the brother has a right to decide that his house is out, even if the reason is ridiculous. But I think going the nuclear option is a bad idea. Especially since even OP admits the brother wants to help find and pay for a new venue.

If this was a constant issue with his brother, always making and then breaking promises, then yes, the nuclear option of disinviting him would be perfectly reasonable.

But it appears this is a one off and not a constant issue. So the question is, does OP really think it’s worth it to destroy his relationship with his brother for a one off, that is still fixable? I don’t think it is.

Here's a wedding etiquette question, when I was 11 I went to an Aunt's wedding (traditional American), and I told a bridesmaid that I thought she was pretty, and my aunt pulled me aside and told me to never compliment another woman except the bride at a wedding because "every woman is a hag compared to a bride on her wedding day and to imply otherwise is beyond rude." Move one 20 years later and I was a MOH at. Friend's wedding, and she and her bridal party were horrified that I called myself a hag compared to her... was I lied to as a kid?

This is not the same situation but my daughter was getting married May 2020 with 160 guests. Three weeks before the wedding the venue cancelled the wedding due to what was happening that year. My daughter and fiancée looked at postponing the wedding but due to uncertainty on when the restrictions would lift and cost they really wanted to get married on the original date. So we found a friend with a beautiful backyard willing to host and the guest list went from 160 to 6 guests, immediate family only. The florist and photographer were willing to do the wedding. It was one of the most beautiful weddings I’ve been too. It was a lot of work but they created wonderful memories they will never forget.

The moment she said they will be having a baby within a year of the wedding. I would have found a back up. Also with 26 ppl they can go to Peerspace or Airbnb to find another beautiful venue.

I don't know how the bride and groom should feel or react, but seems people are giving so much grace to the Brother. Even though the guest list is small, this is still a terrible thing Brother did.

"Voodoo bullshit" voodoo continues to get disrespected. Asking the "atheist edge lord" website reddit to respect beliefs is a biiig ask

I had to help my daughter change her venue 4 days before the wedding! Guest list was 120+
2 months is not that big of a deal. I get the emotions, but honestly, life happens. It's best just to roll with things! At least the brother was trying to fix the inconvenience and gave other options.

Not wanting to host because you realized much too late that it’s overwhelming makes complete sense. Not wanting to host because you randomly changed your mind, would make you a jerk, but would make complete sense. Not hosting last minute because the NANNY has a superstition, sounds like you’re lying to me.

I think I would be of the same opinion. Obviously I don't know how hard the emotions hit in the moment of getting let down like that, but I agree it seems like the brother didn't have malicious intentions and tried his best to fix it.

This totally sucked but don’t ruin an awesome day. My trust in my brother would be trashed and I’d probably never give him this much responsibility/power ever again. But just yelling into the void and moving on is better than ruining the family because of something like this. If he slept with the fiancé, you can go nuclear. Being that he truly thinks he’s doing the right thing for the sake of his family it’s just not deep enough to ruin every family occasion until the end of time.

I mean, it may be a dumb reason, but it sounds like he did it out of genuine concern, and is trying really hard to fix it...
If we don't specify that his reason is superstition, then the situation is that he made a commitment, found out more information later that made him unable to fulfill it, and is doing his best to make it right!
I don't understand having so little regard for the relationship that you would be that petty🫤

Its the …

“We’re canceling the wedding because if we have it here we will give you luck and we don’t want that for you.”

Like “I love you” but I don’t want to give you blessings as it may decrease my blessings and I don’t love you that much.

My god, I am an only child but if I believed in this woo woo and had siblings I would be so happy to bring them luck. Take some of my luck, I love you and want nothing but the best for you. I would give the shirt off my back to my friends, why wouldn’t I share my luck?

the nanny might have gotten to two stressed parents of young kids.
no parents would wish bad luck on their children and the stress of their ages might have made them more susceptible to it.
it sounds like the brother is trying to fix the damage he is doing to op's wedding, while also keeping his family calm.

I really hope someone sends this video to the Reddit user!

This lady needs a wake up call. Yes, she's hurt, but she's also being hypocritical. She makes of point of saying she's tolerant of different religions but what her post is saying is that she is actually only tolerant of them unless she thinks they are silly or the opinion of that religion inconveniences her.

When the dust settles, I would encourage OP to sit down with their brother to better understand what happened - there are clearly cultural/religious values here that OP has not previously understood. Often if luck can be lost through inauspicious circumstances it can be repaired, regained, or returned through other behaviours. Maybe that would improve the brother’s comfort level (maybe it wont - it is his home and his family after all, so he has every right to set boundaries). I would also, with an abundance of love, query the amount of influence this nanny is having in their family. If this person does not have their best interest in mind, this type of advice could be used to manipulate or coerce the brother’s family (because who wouldn’t to whatever it takes to ensure that their kids and family remain whole and hale!?).

You should start a second channel where you just read wedding AITA posts.

The brother isn't expressing a "boundary" he's going back on a promise. Can almost guarantee that the weird superstition is not the real reason they canceled. But whether it is or not, they shouldn't uninvite the brother unless he keeps causing problems/drama.

Like someone else said, I think the nanny is Hmong, which is a southeast Asian indigenous minority, and OP spelled it wrong. A lot of folks are going after this bc of their own baggage with religion and religious authority, specifically Christian. And it’s fine to have that reaction when you’ve been burned by someone weaponizing their religion. But I want to caution folks against saying that these beliefs are ridiculous or made up, etc. bc the Hmong have suffered significant anti-religious persecution using similar arguments. Just because a belief sounds ridiculous to you doesn’t make it less real for the believer

100% agree with Jamie. As my therapist says to be very often… heart posture is very important and should always be considered.

For the first one, the brother has the right to not hold it in his home. It definitely puts the bride in a rough spot, but especially since he offered to help with costs it sounds like he feels bad and is doing his best to help her out. I can agree that you will be upset with him and she has the right to remove him from her wedding, but it also sounds like you have a good relationship and will make up and that eventually she might regret not having him at her wedding. This sounds like they need a good heart to heart prior to the wedding. Hopefully they can find a good venue

Also classic Reddit advice just saying immediately cutting off a sibling

I agree with Jaime. Invite your brother!

Not to worry, internet strangers are wishing curses upon his household on your behalf

This is such a weird story. I am religious, Orthodox Christian, and hosting people at one's home in any capacity or feast is one of the most honorable things you can do and can bring you so much blessing. I know every religion is different but I have never heard of a superstition like this.