Toxic Positivity: Why Positive Vibes are Ruining You

you need to smile more

Even just letting some one know you understand is ok, but the immediate generalized positivity is dismissive yes, its reductive. So many people need to watch this. Even worse, most people are on that facebook show celebration only and mutually agreed upon boasting. And when you dont respond with exclamation marks youre the bad guy.

Brilliant upload! I get PT all the time directed at me. Positivity used to shame, guilt-trip is toxic. Diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, cptsd and on the adhd waiting list. Currently going through a really bad time after being with an abusive narc for 12yrs. It destroyed me, but I’m still standing and fighting every day and I have a therapist. But those around me and family use toxic positivity all the time, it doesn’t help. I feel shame and guilt. I have talked to them to try and explain but they have their own stresses. In fact ALL those around me have stressful times and again, when I talk about my things I feel guilt and shame afterwards. Am I selfish for thinking this way?

Unbelievable
This is extremely painful for me yet so valuable

I’m that person sometimes
Why
I was brought up to be Brave by people who pretended to be brave, a lot of the time.
Not always 🙄

sitting and stewing for a lifetime caused much physical and mental distress
My grandfather died from colon cancer
I’m not going to say it was stress that caused it but stressful digestive issues run in my family

I feel I need to help people like me who were forced to smile for the sake of others, without any practical common sense skills to deal with the root cause.
I can’t thank you enough for this enlightening yet painful video 😀
I’m feeling so much better now.
Phew 💕

I've been looking for this kind of situation and how to deal with it, thank you so much
From what i learnt instead of tell someone how they should do/feel we try to help them and ask if anything we could do to solve or reduce their issues.
What if we can't do their request? And put our situation not in progress and demotivate, in other words afraid of dissapoint others

Sometimes it doesn't come from a good place. True toxic positivity is when someone doesn't want to hear your problems and dismisses them and shuts them down with surface-level sloganeering. It's especially prevalent in American culture, which seems to have a real fear of negative emotions.

It really helps, thank you! from Tio'tia:ke-Montréal
The expression sounded familiar but that's all.

Omg thank you for making this video.

I'm like gollum, i don't have any friends. No one would care if I died. How can i be happy if no one care? No one care even when im happy. Then perfect people with 1000 friends complain they don't have friends. But the difference between acquaintances and friends is opening your heart & sharing the dark feelings

toxic positivity is a label used as excuse to perpetuate ill emotions , its a lie, and being weaponized by diabolical persons to gather sympathy from other people.

they should not be allowed encourage or acknowledge with their false suppositions , self assumed/undeserved entitlements and malicious outlook/expectations in life.

it starts with the emotional person labeling events as positive and negative, and labeling suportive persons statements as postive or negative.

it's only the DENIAL of 60% of what really happens.

What if someone keeps coming to you with the same problem over and over and over? Same complaints about a bad relationship?

I'm here for you I'm there for you I'm anywhere you want me to be for you !

I think I might have been toxic positive in the past.
However, you also get negative toxic people (those who speak like we are in constant doomsday etc)
Your alternative phrases are very helpful.

My two least favorites are. Everything happens for a reason, and your so / stop being so negative.

No no no, i think you are explaining this too positively.

My personal pet peeve is "You can't see the good in anything!" I want to be the horrible weather friend!

I’m doing my BEST to Deprogram what i Grew up w/, it can be a Struggle for many unfortunately. Thank you for sharing this Topic👍🏼🌱

Hello. I am also one of these it will be ok people...from my standpoint is that I don't want to get involved in anothers person drama... because I was used many times, when I thought I was helping people...so I put my border up. Its not that I don't care , its just that I conciously choose not to get involved. Life is so much easier after🙂

You perfectly described my ex-girlfriend who (not in a judging way) has been through “nothing” in her life.. She couldn’t soothe me when needed what you might expect from a caring partner.. And it’s not that I want others to solve my problems, but some reliance would be nice.. Glad I figured it out by myself eventually and became mentally stronger.. Thank you for this video! Needed the confirmation, will share it with some friends and family ✨

I had a Sociopathic roommate while I was in the yoga community. Later I received an email from one of them wondering "why I wasn't over it all". Later she sent me an email full of spiritual quotes telling me that there is no such thing as evil. I still can't believe that someone would think that would be a helpful response for that situation.

Don't ever get cancer. If it doesn't kill you, the exhortations to "Stay positive!!" certainly will. SO many people said this to me and I wanted to deck them all. I was positive BEFORE I got cancer, thank you very much. Also "you got this!" and" I just know you'll be alright!" You do NOT fucking know that ,and I do not "got this" in any sense of the word. These people were genuinely distressing and off the mark and it was an extra burden when I was sick.

The Secret/Law of Attraction as taught by Abraham-Hicks is a delusional mix of wishful thinking and denial of reality. It leads to suppression of valuable emotions and mental illness. What you suppress will always pop up. Don't think of an elephant. Exactly.

I've been known for #2 and I became divorced from all of my negative emotions by dismissing them.

Thanks for the video. I've regularly encountered toxic positivity, as well as what I consider shaming for ones negative emotions, but I never knew it was now a "thing"! Being told to smile more, cheer up, to be grateful since I'm not starving and have no right to feel sad, etc etc. One phrase I'm hearing a lot lately is "We don't complain". I'm diagnosed BPD so this approach I can find particularly hurtful even if the person means wel. It just ends up causing me to keep quiet about things and
feel more disconnected as a result. There's a difference between someone who just wants to express and/or ask for support, and someone constantly victimising themselves.

I'm not sure how to respond to toxic positivity from people I know but don't consider close friends. Do you have any tips?

It's like the phrase we have been hearing for several years now "Get negative people out of your life", or "Don't post about your problems". Sometimes a person doesn't really have someone to confide their problems, and then they hide everything they are feeling because it inconveniences others, which makes everything worse.

You are spot on, I know someone just like this, I didn't know the term toxic positivity and I was thinking to myself that this guy is so naive and gullible.

I don't know -- the suggestions to not be so toxically positive only work for people who actually want to be there for you, sincerely. It's extremely confusing when somebody "says" they're there for you, and "you're not alone," but they shut you down and reroute the conversation because they're not being sincere yet they want to seem/believe they are caring and helpful.

The first I heard of it, it wasn't called that by name. But it was written about by Barbara Ehrenreich in her book Bright-sided. A few years after her book came out, people began to discuss toxic positivity. And I'm glad they did, because pretending only the bright side exists defies the duality of nature and is setting yourself up for failure.

So true uggh I am so done with such type of people.😑

When I went through an awful divorce, my dog thought me such a good lesson: she didn’t try to have answers/solutions to anything, but was always there, always loyal & engaged, always cared. That simple. I miss her to this day.

These are great substitute phrases, thank you for those Vanessa!

Positivity in general is toxic and often mistaken for compassion and understanding.

Notice mostly all of the replacement phrases are not statements but questions. They're not instructions or someone telling you what to do it's asking them if they need anything basically. They're open phrases

Wishful thinking by you and toxic positivity by others. Heard it again, you have addressed both. Thank you so much.

I really appreciate my positive friends. They pull me out of my pity party and I do the same thing to my self. letting your friend wallow in self pity and spiral into depression doesn’t help them either. It just feels good to you to have someone feel sorry for you.

I really need this lesson right now. Thanks

Thanks for this..

Nobody is Joel Osteen fake smile nobody is that happy 100 percent of the time not even Joel is that happy fake plastic smile he's never not smiling nobody you know is that happy 100 percent of the time that's fake positivity we all have our good days and our bad days.

So true, But I couldn't follow you well, because you are talking quickly. I'm learning second language the English not my language, So I couldn't understand you well. 😞

Ow that’s so intense in the corporate environment, especially sales, that makes me 🤢. Nobody isn’t interested in how you feel but what impressions you can cause on others.

Ok but here's your mistake, you're assuming that people actually want to help others and care about their feelings. Most people don't, so they regurgitate these phrases just to shut other people up so they can get back to talking about themselves.

Hey... just came to your channel! Really appreciate this content especially the phrase alternatives! And this may be a weird thing to say but you have such a nice voice to listen to, great intonation and an excellent choice of words! Thanks! Definitely a follow!!!

I like that this video is training toxic positivity practitioners how to be realistic and validating. Usually, these videos are advice to the victims of toxic positivity.

See, here is proof of the difference between men and woman.... You are encouraging whining and creating wimps.... Men, real men, do not raise boys to be men this way. Real woman don't either.. That is why we have safe rooms and safe zones and this generation is offended by everything. I am not going to say, "it could be better" I say "make it better." I am not going to say "everytime you whine and moan about something, "what can I do or what do you want me to do for you?" I say, this is what "you" need to do to correct "your" malfunction." I will also say "you're not going to fix the situation by moaning and whining about it." What torch are you passing to the next person? What example are you setting? There is tough and there is weak. Which one are you promoting? ,,,,,,.. Stop whining...

Wow! now even being positive is canceled. How do you balance venting in a workplace from becoming toxic or lead to decreased productivity?