Supporting The “Angry Child” | What To Say When Kids Get Mad

Destini said: When you’re angry, you can express (1) what is happening, (2) what you’re feeling, and/or (3) what you need. … I say: I think this works for a lot of emotions! I love this! It reminds me of whole messages, which is a formula for hard conversations or confrontation: I notice, think, feel, and need. When we break things down like this it’s so much more manageable! ✨

You’re describing me except my go to was rage 😢

Whew this is me with my 5 year old 😩

I love your content. It really gives me so much to think about with both my girls, and I’m working on a more intentional gentle parenting style daily. But I’m also here to say I love this structured bomber jacket you’ve got on here!

Soo good! Thank you 💕

This is a lot of what’s taught in DBT therapy.

I’m a better Mama because of you! Your content is my go to when I do not know what to do with my pre teen. I always wanted to do things different with my children, but never knew how so I found myself falling into my default (how I was parented) repeating a cycle I do not want to repeat. You have got me through - Destini and I need this because my son is so angry. We are making strides, but as you said it’s a long game. It’s a lot of front loading, a lot of teaching, modeling and repeating skills until he gets it. It’s not easy by a long shot, but I trust our relationship will be intact when he’s older and it’ll be one built on healthy communication and respect!

Thank you so much!!!!!

I have to play that a few more times, and in my sleep. I actually started recording my interactions with my child, with her permission. Just audio, not video. It helps me be mindful of how I’m engaging and how I respond when I’m steaming, mad, and it helps me remember to slow my thoughts down and hear her heart. Today, she was on one. I let her finish and ask her if she just needed some special time with me, even though I am super busy. She said yes. I told her we spent some time doing that and asked if we could switch gears and focus on her need to be with me. She lit up! She’s 11, and the struggle is real, but when I considered that she had a need rather than her being rude, she melted.

Excellent work, “Mom”!

Playing the long game is how I think of it too! I watched my 7 year old get mad, take a deep breath, then realize his mistake and literally got choked up because a year ago it would have been a meltdown 😭🥰 Love your content.

Destini you are a blessing to me. I don’t take it lightly either because I work so hard for my son not to be like me. He has huge anger issues and it starts with me. I’ve been doing some of the things you’ve mentioned but like another commenter said it’s a waiting game. He hears me he just doesn’t want to do the work at times. All of this from a tiny strong willed 6 year old.
I’ve heard “you scare me” “i don’t like you, i like daddy” “i don’t want mom” Hurts my mommy heart.
Yes I’ve yelled. I don’t spank him. Now i take things he likes but i feel like that too is sometimes not good. All of this coming from a space of my village thinking I need to yell or spank and other bizarre punishment but I’m trying something so different as explained in your video. Confirming, realizing, comforting, sobering ….thanks again!!